Born three months premature
Cerebral palsy, no cure, blood impure
hated mirrors, afraid of my own glare
owned the fear, because of that
I walked with a thousand yard stare
it’s hard to share the pain
where to place the blame
of how you get to a place
where you hate your own face
mixed race, disavowed sin
drowning in my brown and white skin
settled in mundane phases
escaped through books
escaped through paintings
sculpted anguish from broken language
hope and hatred roped in habits
that I wasn’t a real Mexican
because I didn’t speak Spanish
tell that to cops, tell that to teachers
tell that to preachers
who told me I’d be saved
if I prayed to a white Jesus
navigated seasons trying to fit in
the only respite was with my black friends
my dark skinned father
was the pinnacle of cynic
pushing me to date white women
because he thought they were rich
and had a clean image
for years I couldn’t pin it
constructs tried to make me
a slave to oppression and the system
then I found the rhythm
they said I’d never walk, I did it
they said I’d be dead by 25
I’m alive and living
they said I’d make nothing of rap, I’m spittin’
I did it, I’ve done it all
Ive broken down the walls
breathe and pause
once lost in the jaws of hell
compelled to expel the generational curse
and prove my own worth
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The Numbers Game
Two alcoholic fathers
Haven’t spoken to Mom in 5 or 6 years
should have wrote this off 5 or 6 beers
the truth is,
this came after 5 or 6 tears
rebuilt self
after struggling with mental health
finally displayed emotions
on a level shelf
selling my mettle for spiritual wealth
they crucified Jesus
just so white supremacy
could wear his skin as pelt
sin is felt deep within my bones
trying to hit different astral planes and zone
so my soul can finally find a home
with full attention on self reflection
tried to save a lot women
but how could I save them
if I couldn’t save myself?
in my dreams pacing Orion’s Belt
let the hollows melt until the pain is felt
playing the shameless cards I was dealt
Pain, rage, growth, pain
Sun after rain, win, lose or draw
play the numbers game
play the numbers game
This second verse
will address the hurt
and self imposed curse
placed on my daughter, as your father
you got my best pieces
but also my worst demons
keep breathin’ and play each day
as new life leases to unlock your secrets
I’m sorry your transformation
started in your mother’s imagination
and my pitiful exaggerations
our communication became complacent
your heart became a weight station
for our mistakes
that’s the reason it aches
don’t be afraid to chase happiness
in the face of depression
you may never disconnect it
but never let it
stop you from breaking tension
take each lesson as a step
to your new direction
remember self reflection
I’ll always be
the one you can run to
no matter what, I will always love you
Hell's Moshpit
Salute DOOM, hot spoons
smooth over beef rap
like yo son, we don’t need that
arthritis in the knee caps, my speech snaps
Rudy Ray Moore blaxploitation
my pen bleeds big boy hatred
Channel 66, the inspiration
don’t you dare change it
my dads drunk, escape the anguish one way
thank god it’s Kung fu Sunday
bask in the sun blaze, night fall hits
out comes the fists and gun play
bruises on the rib cage
older me clicks the gauge
pain was coming of age
liquored up or sober
got smacked up for falling over
my range of motion was viewed as weakness
trapped in the stillness
born to a man who didn’t understand illness
scorned by the bleak shit
years later, reach for the pill hits
it still sits deep inside my mind
violence forever apart of my design
looking for signs and escape routes
to kill off the self doubt
with the words that come from my mouth
Held hostage in Hell’s mosh pit
My two fathers
One didn’t bother
The other was a monster
They both lived the same mantra
To breed hate
Making sure love was the imposter
Death proof, soup and chilling
lord willing, life keeps living, mighty moves
‘92 Jordan’s had me feeling fire proof
where I’m from the guns go pop
in my my later years
surrounded by Funko pops
alone with my thoughts
when the sun glow drops
swimming in records of legends
getting lost in within the expressions
disconnecting from bastard majesty
escaped the broken role model
I got from the step father factory
magically, I paint visions of escapism
sitting as an inmate in this made prison
lay with the blade twitching
listening to father number two
abuse my mother in the kitchen
no choice but to stay vivid, my brains livid
fame kisses my name
as the pain lane switches
cashing in drained wishes
that the pain listens
Love Letters To The Lost
Once fell in love with someone
who put junk in their veins
blood paints art through the jugular pain
my brain sprung from the childish game
when our lips once touched
while she was on that succulent plane
pumped with lust
like it’s my time to be saved
slave to the passion
primed to be laid, so I cashed in
from what I thought was true love
born from chasing the dragon
there’s no escape an addict won’t stand in
whispers in the dark, closed caption
going from taste to taste
love song to a ghost crashing
hoping the rush stayed forever lasting
Pour a drink and raise it up, ghost
Roll a blunt and blaze it up, ghost
Love letters to the lost
can’t make it up
can’t make it up
can’t make it up
Writing ghost love letters
return to sender
in the death of friendships
and the art of dead enders
focused strain through the words
living, the great pretenders
surrounded by the stench
for as long as I can remember
my lyrics live as my breath of life
only a few will enter
for how long? Who’s to say
not much time or room to stay
this is for Gajah, shout to Dumile
living behind the mask
wondering what DOOM will play
god soothes the pain
weed mutes the brain
while the sun in my heart
disputes the rain
Comfort Food
Blood stained clothes of the tragic
hit the laundry basket
maneuvered with shooters
was too scared to get blasted
so I kept the blunts lit
with zippos and match sticks
a rose in concrete, penning classics
product of my environment
dodging entitlement, how survival fits
elders telling me that heaven exists
but no invite sent, spite death
alcohol spiked breath
who knows how many nights
of insight I got left
in my room smiting enemies
from where God rests
ah yes, the duality of man
makes me heartless
friends ducking charges
no food in my stomach, fuckin’ hardships
CPD moving targets
GD’s and Vice Lords spark clips
meanwhile my arts slick
realm of a troubled youth
rocking a bubble goose
bangin the Wu-Tang W
trying to feed my soul
with some comfort food
Comfort food
Food for the soul
When your thoughts have no home
Where do you go
When the house of god leaves you alone
leaves you alone
leaves you alone
leaves you alone
As I cross the 40 threshold
packing nothing but mental and metal
turning flesh cold
rocking fresh gold
flexin’ pressed jeans and beaters
pouring out drinks
for homies in the ether
3 finger ringers were the best teachers
down to the pimps and street preachers
rocking jeri curls and half moon ceaser’s
class clown was my best feature
getting noticed by girlies in the bleachers
cuz my fits got cleaner and neater
nothing like a fresh pair of sneakers
dodging coffin feeders
taking knowledge from leaders
getting money from tweakers
cracking parking meters for game
getting paid was the aim
winds of change came
started to bang to maintain
hold your breath
hat broke to the left, taunting death
moved in silence
while others were talking mess
feeling pressed
failing tests, getting pinched
hearing the county bars clinch
No Home
Sun colored Jordan’s
soak in the calamity it’s gorgeous
ripping wax, pass the torches
been rhyming since Nas
snuck an Uzi on the island and Wu Tang
was signing five percenter science
formed an alliance with gazelles
sitting amongst the lions
darkness sleeps when the sunrises
God smiles down on the horizon
even if my demons aren’t silenced
grew up to escape the murder rate
this is my Purple Tape
bought with funds off the service plate
scratch the serial
bullets move past your head
catch the burial live in stereo
here we go, another walking miracle
my march is imperial, Darth Vader
fuck your saviors
can’t wait to meet my maker
I’m tired and feeling uninspired
until it’s time for the last dance in hell’s fire
My thoughts have no home, here we go
finding my soul, oh no
My thoughts have no home, here we go
I’m dying too slow, oh no
Haunted pianos pen vaunted preambles
shattered dreams left in unseen shadows
life is prefix for death
I don’t want to die
but I can’t wait for my last breath
disconnect my souls stem
from the doldrums of every day life
bleed from the slice of Americana
dull screams in my head with marijuana
party with demons insecurities conjured
insanity slows enough to ponder
wander the land like a hopeless ronin
open up my heart to God
oh god, not God
me and him are always at odds
my faith is a ticking time bomb
my life is a complex sign on
with plenty of hills to die on
drowning in a world full of icons
sign off the scions who fight for
war, pain, cash, drugs
last one to die, turn off the light
and cancel this plight
This Is For My Brother
Don’t let those demons shame you
I hope that hope hope can save you
fuck that god we used to pray to
he left the world to slay you
I know the pain it changed you
It fucking changed me too
lots of death and anger
to hastily graze through
the memories strain it’s pretty painful
sitting with selfish hatred in plain view
life expecting you to play through
estranged moves, life it caged you
stay tuned, at least the art stayed true
you changed to a ghost from different angles
shadows drowning, found in addition
admission, lonely minutes
plus wars of attrition
fighting friction inside the sickness
I’ve tried to be there from a distance
returning the support system
like you did for me when I had the same visions
the clock is ticking, now you’re playing chicken
putting out fires in Hell’s Kitchen
my heart is liquid
hoping to get a call or message
so we find the leverage to get reconnected
I miss your love and friendship
wishing I could share my successes
emerging from the trenches
see you on the next bender
always remember, no matter what
I’ll love you forever
this is for my brother
walking through the dark days
this is for my brother
fighting through the the dark ways
this is for my brother
fighting through the hard days
this is for my brother
walking through the hard ways
this is for my brother
Graduation Day
Once bought a tec with a body on it
it took a life, I put a profit on it
soldier of crooks and books
threw some knowledge on it
penning street topics
graduated to drum loops and polyphonics
pen and pad, watch me molly wop it
getting high before the Bulls & SuperSonics
live from game six
after souls of friends lift to the abyss
codes of streets switched
in my world there was no Good Day blimp
sick of death didn’t want to be next
smoked out against the headrest
reflect on the temptress, feeling neglect
wondering if…
the seed in her belly is mine or his?
infatuation came and
turned my life into graduation day
looking to get paid
now my daughter’s walking
I start stocking my pockets
with dough and logic from hydroponics
no more nonsense, you fuck with mine
you get to kiss the glock tip
The Chronic (Pain)
Drawn from a broken stencil
my end view is in the rear view
endeared through as a stolen rental
focused mental pushes my physical mettle
dreams of bio mechanical metal
fed through my exoskeleton
tattoos scribed on my skin
to distract from my melanin
pain swings like an anchored pendulum
molecular structures of muscles
hustles down a beaten path
my face hides the pain
underneath an uneven mask
every day my strength is leaving fast
reaching for the flask and pain pills
my souls crushed, the pain kills
my brain aims faith at the strained ills
my body is an anvil
steps are mountains climbing up an anthill
sleep is a scant thrill, crawling to a stand still
my fight against the chronic pain
is done with moxie, every second mocks me
coupled with cerebral palsy
the countdown to death haunts me
moments of relief taunt me
in a hospital bed on the mend, breaths paltry
the sun rises again
feeling saucy after sponge baths
return to the streets ducking gun claps
whatever god owes me, he better run that
in the next life, I want a stunt man
until then, I’m in a psychotic stance
hoping to rebuilt as a bionic man
Soul Circus
Came home with 150 in my pocket
starting over, heartbroken and jobless
fighting depression and logic
surviving in hell’s mosh pit
clean slate locked in, clock tick tockin
pain was coming of age
while my demons played
in the blood of the slain
images of failure burned in my brain
never feeling worthy of praise
freed from my cage
smoke and mirrors
plus liquid courage fueled my rage
burned both sides of the flame
fed game because I was told
the heavens were there to uplift you
not pin you beneath the surface
waiting for the real world
to up the heat on the furnace
couldn’t find service in churches
that shit made me nervous
well wish wishes coming from lurkers
my souls murdered
seconds tick as currency
to pay off the death merchants
stay behind the turret
to avoid the slaughter
failed my label, failed my daughter
smothered by my father and mother
I became a ghost in the shell
in his own personal hell
inhabited by another person
a different version
kissed by bliss and ignorance
while I’m left alone to lift
the generational curses
while I suffer in silence
and pretend everything is perfect
amongst the suckers in the soul circus
Magnifique
My cat reached out to touch me
feeling punchy, loops dusty
suckers always talking about moves
I’m trying to get rich in my house shoes
life exposed over down grooves
concrete jungles are renowned news
it’s too late for you
if gun shots are sound proof
muggy junkie brown tooth
quiet moves, pen loud truth
endowed roots, cinema reel spoken
I’m poetry in motion
Ice Cube hittin the three wheel motion
Iron Trojan, money isn’t evil
it’s the hands attached to the enemy
flow changer
spittin, no brainers like a Kennedy
speak in a semi speech
like Pharaohe Monch flow patterns
closed caption bone shatter
catching shots from chrome blasters
hold a gold chain flow masters
went from broke bastard to so lavish
closing out old chapters
dreams to retire on the beach
flow silky smooth, Magnifique
Han Solo Fur Coats
Chewbacca Chief Rocka
Han Solo fur coats
God body wisdom windmills
my odd body churns smoke
bloodline is Mexican birthed dope
sun signs burns scope
hope hangs on by a thin rope
my skin is cream sin soaked
cash rules everything around me
past moves, god forgot about me
scream loudly as stress overtakes
struggling to pay rent
wondering where the day went
stay bent, no other choices
to smother out the voices
once the voice of the voiceless
bullets cancel out the noises
drowning out my voice pitch
of course it’s surviving crash courses
torches coincide with rhymes like dimes
keep a box cutter on the center line
for when I open up minds
with my Operation Doomsday
copulation soufflé eases the mood pain
I wrote this to dead bent
won’t stop until I get every red cent
Me And My Demons
Lamon said write a kama sutra
of pizza eating positions
back went out again, vicious
got nothing to go on but intuition
outliving God so I have the last sentence
fuck a last word, pen burns hallucinogenic
words so prophetic, after it’s over
me and the heavens became telekinetic
forever indebted to my indexes
visions of my grandmother injecting medicine
screaming protect your melanin
jail cellin’ it, spiritual celibate
death bed ridden sin
loving the pain my soul was written in
bathing in tears my heart is sitting in
expressing my rage through rekindled pens until my end
transcend doldrums pumped in brain stems
falling in love with my shot gun limp
from the land of marks and pimps
selling my story with a sharkish grin
Just me and my demons (yeah)
Get on down, get on down
Just me and my demons (yeah)
Get on down, get on down
Just me and my demons (yeah)
Get on down, get on down
Just me and my demons (yeah)
Multi syllabic christenings
school of Raebonics for the win
spitting blood against the wind
searching for the fire within
Autonomy Music spins within A Trains
into Manhattan, Fantastic Damage
padded for the pain junkies and addicts
hiding from sunlight, crying in the mattress
Air Maxes, fire and matches
matches the desire to pull ourselves higher
black and brown sires ripped from their thrones
souls spun through the globe
as their identity is bled from their throats
guns in the overcoat
collecting souls for the ghosts
starting wars from the money post
PTSD from the concrete rose,
I arose to new heights, fight or flight
back packing with my demons
in the dead of night, out of sight
living this life, living this life
Scope Of The Guillotine
I only rocked Blackhawk jerseys for the trash talk
brash walk, machetes and hack saws
I never gave a fuck about Stanley Cups
duck bullets that blew death kisses
breath hinges on hisses, then misses
shape shiftin’, change pitches
blades kill some
while others inhale gun smoke
in Deadpool’s like Wade Wilson
Guillotine got its seeds
from Company Flow & EPMD
we are the lineage others pretend to be
blood on the crown with the head
as the center piece
bars bang like a dusted car chase
when Angel took a chainsaw
to the head in Scarface
linguistics are gangster scientific
end your career in a New York minute
going for the finish
to be amongst the greatest ever listed
from Chitown to SINY
in the end I leave your neck severed
screaming Wu Tang Forever
injected with the blood of legends
They Can't Kill Us All
I’m just pieces of a broken man
from a broken system and broken land
smoking aces, fired from a potent hand
quoted love songs from an open land
fighting what this world has come to
lightning striking quick because fate
it wants to love you from its bubble
saving me from drowning and going under
frozen winters turned to focused summers
hopeless visions cloaked in hope is
peeling back emotions through hosted muses
smelling roses, my mind is lighting fuses igniting fighting music
auto pilot driving lucid to my life’s conclusion
thankful for feeling movement
forgiving God for being mostly ruthless
besides my daughter and a few others
it’s mostly putrid
stolen moments laying in my death bed fearless
with the reaper as my kindred spirit
no matter what stand tall
because they can’t kill us all
Horseman Armor
I wear my scars as armor
a product of bars and smoke parlors
tattoos reflect sin of a martyr
daily me and god bartered
on whether or not
I should fold or walk harder
born under Carter, my era was made famous
by the pain Reagan painted
feeling shamed and caged in
the streets were a haven
moving through slums searching for crumbs
a genetic dump my limp said
I was too young to walk with shotgun pumps
Mexican born, I held a crown of thorns
feeling the scorn of not speaking Spanish
I gravitated to hip hop and black kids
they understood and made my pain vanish
being included in the movement
made me feel super human
it gave me protection from having my weakness dissected
words I projected became representation
for the anger and anguish
felt by my neighborhood nation
wishing I could save them all
with peace and salvation
Bare Hands
Moving through conspiracies and ultra violence
dampen culture and science
the vultures are non compliant
human rights became defiant
love, labor screams inside the echo chamber
boiling over with anger, what’s the angle?
anti mask, anti black, anti vaccine
more blood streams flood the streets
no justice, no peace, no compassion
tear gas quells the action, no reaction
attacked with lies and fake news
life and freedom, this is take two
history will know where to place you
make peace with the Gods you pray to
time will erase you
I’m from where the just and fair stands
I will forever destroy your hate with my bare hands
Now They Know It
Sit back, watch the paranoia overtake
can’t shake these god damn shakes
bitten by the snakes
feel the venom raise the stakes
skate around the stench of death
clutching my last breath
is this my end?
friends stab me in the back
they didn’t think my soul would stand
lost women who claimed to be a catch
afraid to react when my heart attacked
expect me to pick you up
when your emotions crashed
a hopeless mass, broken stash, open cash
I hope it lasts, frozen raps
rolling with homies that know the truth
killing rappers in the vocal booth
speaking in coded roots
Guillotine heads rolling through
watch me bestow it
I know it, but now they know I know it
Patient King
Woke up to a new era
welcome to the terror dome
where nuclear winter burn slow
give up your dough
and everything you own
here's a toast for gambling with your soul
politics play out over newscast and television shows
bagging up hatred and selling it as dope
trading melanin for hope
choking on elements of rope
hold my smoke
while I calibrate this scope
center rage
better aim
enter fame
letters played for the revolution
nothing's conclusive
protect one another
they got the guns
we got the numbers
looks like we're in for another hot summer
Tape Deck
Soldier of rap culture
hills to die on
kill these slang vultures
bullet holes and lipstick
arraign my framed poster
tight around loose lips
fuck a flag
my moods gripped by quarantined vibes
serpentine wind through the minds grind
as the lines dry like the blood of my pen died
speak to dominant dreamers
Mexican brown reefer
as my new leader, Infinity stone seizure
cinematic vision as my dome pleaser
Guillotine is so ether
your souls can’t reach us
like leper’s who need Jesus
let my name reign for all seasons
Hills
Push the envelope
swing the pendulum
pens coated in adamantium
weapon x survivor
making my walk through hell fire
all the more liver
got god reclined in the clutch of Scott Steiner
Guillotine Scream Phoenix
my cannibal ox fiendish through all season’s
sick of blood in the streets, it ain’t scenic
shatter the glass ceiling, pick up the pieces
slash the throats of my demons
as a beacon of hope, slow to a slow coast
admire the pictures I painted over the years
facing my ears, fighting back tears
siphoning fears into gasoline speeches
to rattle these leeches
kill your masters and embody new leaders
watch their words burn into the ether
mess with my family, you’re greeted with
red dots, heat seekers and cleavers
pumped with holes until your body seizures
meet earth, buried in my hills to die on
Ghostface killing it, face covered in nylon
The Product
Ignorance makes me want to leave Twitter
shutdown the whole system
and let the rhythm hit ‘em
surrounded by absurd turns
the world burns in the viral surge
some white kid threads the needle
with N words claiming that he’s equal
connections with people is illusion
cruising the echo chamber for bangers
dodging anger from wannabe stars
falling in love with avatars
experience marred from false hope
cerebral dope, non matching GOATS
and cut throat facts, sit back,
to watch people react
to hot trash takes from newscasts
like the world is full of iconoclasts
bask in my lineage of underground rap
digital dap and thirst traps
grab the burner
Guillotines crashed the server
shoutout to Dart Adams and Hex Murda
Art Dealers
My life's candor
gets trapped in life patterns
wrapped in mics rapture
remain my pen master
art dealer, street pastor
ink anger bleed after
sleep in the minds of strangers
then dream after
light cannabis to green pastures
draw nightmares between screams, laughter
breed factors for change
engage in episodes of the strange
that enslave the plane for advancement
supply paint for grand standing
living on a pixelated earth
encased in bad graphics, craft magic
beliefs of dominance creeped in opulence scenic profit binge
ending hollow trends wearing graffiti on my skin
drums of war escalate sonic bids
mindful within, prideful within
to reflect psycho revenge
penning bars from hard marble
Frida Kahlo scarred sorrow
bangin street art like there’s no tomorrow
Unusual
It’s the summer of ‘94
hit the F&M store, looking for a score
Maxell chrome tapes, post haste
but I’m broke and got no papes
in for the slow burn
with hopes of no chase, move at a slow pace
case the joint with my cousins
scenario one when you got no budget
fuck it, they take one aisle, I take the other
my brother as look out as the runner
don’t get caught, no going under
scared of our mothers, not doing numbers
heat had us feeling like new lovers
ducking cameras like the two man cover
move with the stealth I could muster
so my demo tapes had that luster
fuck these security guard busters
FOR ALL YOU SUCKAS!
Miracles
The further in life I get
the less I remember
looking to legends and mentors
as my protector, peep the lecture
take their gems and make em’ fresher
feel the pressure, on a bender
cuts to the bloody center
billed for services rendered
runnin’ jewels like Michael Render
here’s where hope enters
women popping over chrome fenders,
dough catcher
the window for success is so slender
many won’t enter, world ender
shot to your widows peak, the future’s bleak
hear my speech at the epicenter
Guillotine heavy weight contenders
fate always remembers
Heaven never was a lender
she always comes for the cheddar
keep 36 Chambers loaded like RZArector
wake up to the sun’s glimmer
sipping coffee from French pressers,
penning letters